Sunday, 8 July 2012

Day 8: (Slow) New Beginning

So tired.
Set the alarm for 7.30am but only manage to nod off at 6.30am.
Stuff the gym, let me sleep now.

Get up.
Grab a shower.
Reading positive affirmations.

How am I feeling?
Okay I feel better.

Realise there is no point trying to deflect the feelings, sadness, and recent experiences.
I need to embrace and take it all in.
Reflect then I can move on, and then I can trust myself not to drink away my sorrows.

Choose my outfit for the day.
I want to look good.
Like what I see. 
Cool and understated chic.
Apply the make-up and smile.

Don't forget to keep smiling I remind myself.
Happiness is a habit.
Perhaps I'm missing Prince Charming more because I am used to him being around.
Being my Bed Mate.

Today is going to be a great day.
I get to spend time with my friends.

Catch up with Australian friend on Brick Lane.
Friend P returns my sunnies, and a bottle of rum that I left with him.
P takes me to the cheapest leather goods store in London. The leather jackets and bags are so yummy.
See one I really like. I need to come back when I have more cash.

Have a bagel at the famous bagel store.
Really yummy, and dirt cheap.
Chat and depart.

Feeling upbeat.
Meet Friend D and we head out to a birthday barbie.

Barbie is fantastic.
Great to catch up with friends, and their kids, and partners.

Manage to navigate conversation away from Prince Charming.
Thank goodness.
Don't need a spoiler.

Doing so well BUT subject crops up of our split.
Am I smiling looking confident?

Use the "If it's meant to be it's meant to be" phrase.
God I HATE that phrase!
Who came up with that.
It implies you can't actually do anything about your life because it's predestined.
If that is the case, why do we bother?!

My friend M, bless her, reminds me, if you want something to happen, make it happen.
The words register and break through into cloud cuckoo land where I've been this past week.

Leave barbie, and head out for drinks and boogie.

I am having fun with Friend D but I notice that I am more quiet than usual, and not in the mood to chat to random strangers.
I can feel the invisible rays emanating from me, and attacking anyone who gets within my radius.
When a guy chats about some mindless CRAP I really cannot banter with him.
I just tell him to ask the people he wants to talk to and go to them.

Love the DJ/bar man.
He always plays our tunes, and for always offers me shots.
Okay this time I surprise him, and take the bottle of rum out of the bag.

As the night progresses, am dancing with Friend D, and don't mind chatting to random people for the rest of the evening. 
That is until someone asks for my number.
Well it was all going so well until he asked me if I was dating anyone.
In the past I would have said YES
But this time I have to say NO

Hate saying that.
I find it so so uncomfortable.
I shift my weight from foot to foot - I really don't know why but at least I can control my actions.

Damn, need to start working out this dating malarkey
Let's leave it until I need to cross that bridge (not for another 20 years!)

Time to go.
Go to bed with mixed feelings.

Doesn't help that someone has swiped my card and spent £230 on it.
Only discover it's missing when I am home.

Sleep, sleep.
Breakfast with Friend P, and gym tomorrow
Think of body beautiful. How great you will look when Prince Charming next sees you.

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