Day 7: Bottomless Pit Reached

Have hit rock bottom.
Waves of relief and misery sweep over me.

Still not able to sleep instead have a nightmare.
Dreaming of a ghost in an old house.
Whispy figures drifting around in dark places.

Watching.
Peering.
Leeching.
My flat has been my sanctuary and has always offered me a place of comfort. 
What's going on?

Really miss Prince Charming.
Keep turning over to the other side of the bed.
He's missing.

This is not how I planned my future to be.
STOP.
Remind yourself that you didn't actually plan but I always thought he would be here by my side always.

Scared about what the future holds.

Shish, what will happen in 10 years time when I'm by myself.
Alone.

A spinster.
Sitting on a rocking chair, knitting.
Just like that scene in Psycho.

I really need to get a grip and stop this silliness.
Can't go on like this.
Today is the last day of wallowing in my self-pity.
So make it a good one, and your last one.


Tomorrow will be better but need to plan my time for the evenings and weekends if tomorrow is to be better.
Let me focus on things to do.
The more busy I am, the less time for wallowing.

Plan exercise routine for the week. Remember the run in September - Will be fun.
I need to get in shape.
Will get rid of stress.
Will look better perhaps hot in front of Prince Charming?

Classes booked for the next 10 days.
Lots of power plates, pilates, and rebounding (jumping on trampoline).
Will try out the Kylie butt lift too. I wonder what that will be like,

Look at sewing classes.
Decision made.

Will use holidays for sewing classes in August.
Need to check with boss on Monday.

Go to bed early.
No more Hercule Poirot for me (I can guess all the plot lines now, mon amie.)


Tomorrow have a barbie.
Gym in the morning
Dancing later


It all starts tomorrow. 
A fresh beginning?

Day 6: Bottomless Pit - Have We Reached The Bottom Yet?

Really need sleep.
Cannot function like this.
Look crap, and feel crap.

Take a look at positive affirmation chants.
Yes it's fine and dandy but not ready to let go of the sorrow quite yet.

Think another day or so should do it, and I will be tired of this whole thing.

Have managed to lose the round pot belly.
I still have a belly but it's looking decidedly less rolly.
Okay one good thing about self-pity, I have lost my appetite.

Day 5: Bottomless Pit Continues Some More

I really need some sleep.
I am so tired.
Am sure I must look like a psycho.
Thank goodness for make up and cover up (still don't think even cover-up can hide the dark circles under my eyes)

Uhmmmmm

I really don't know where my future is going.

It seems so alone and strange.

Prince Charming was the one.
Really thought we would be growing old together.

Back from work.

Am now officially obsessed by the Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise divorce.
Think I have managed to read all known articles written about the divorce as well as scientology.
I am officially a FREAK.
This can't be normal. Can it?

From one obsession to another: Hercule Poirot.
I've noticed similar plots across different stories.
Gosh is this what people do when they are by themselves?

Oh no, is this my life?
Watching dvds, reading crap, cuddling a toy at night?
Really is this it?

Off to bed.
Really need to hit the bottom of this pit soon.
Need to get all the angst out and reflect before I can move on.
Still haven't cried or shed a tear.
I am obviously abnormal!

Day 4: Bottomless Pit Continues

Lie awake for most of the night.
Why can't I sleep?
I am not even thinking.
Thinking of nothing just an empty bed, and the fact that I hate this part of the day.

I really think that the bed has grown.
It seems bigger than yesterday.
I am still struggling to spread myself out.
Perhaps if I make a star shape that will do the trick.
No. Bad idea.

Off to work.
I look shit!

Back home.
Supper is brown bread with butter.
Not quite my 5 a day.......

Wonder if Prince Charming will be around tonight?
Depends if he isn't working late. Hope not.

Move from tabloid press to Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot.
I am officially a couch potato.

Late....no sign of Prince Charming.
Get a grip.
You wanted this too, remember.

Worst part of the day, bed-time.

Day 3: Bottomless Pit

Don't sleep a wink.
Really struggling to sleep at night.
So strange as I never usually struggle to sleep.
Prince Charming jokes that I can sleep anywhere and everywhere if I want to.
He is so envious of my sleeping skills.

Ah yes, no more Prince Charming.

Flat looks a mess.
Try to clean but don't get far - Just move books from one spot to another, and then tidy the post.
The place is starting to smell. A mix of of stale alcohol, negative moods causing this smell.

To top if all off my period has started.
When it rains it pours as they say.

D on't bother with the positive affirmation chants today.
I want to wallow in my self pity.

Back from work.

Wallowing in sorrow.
PJs on, glasses on.
Order a pizza and chicken wings.

Start to read tabloid press online.
Have taken an unhealthy interest in Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise split. 
I know I suck! 
Where is the inner strength. 
My "inner goddess" - wasn't that the term that kept cropping up in 50 Shades of Naff?

Prince Charming texts to see if I want dinner.
Invite him around as I have spare food left over in fridge. 
Little voice in my head says don't - This is not normal. Of course I know it's not normal but want to hold on to some semblance of normality for a bit longer.

We chat, and laugh.
I miss this.
Oh dear....

He leaves.
I start to read tabloid stories again.
My life is officially SAD! Is this what people do usually?

Not looking forward to bed so I put on a face mask.

Really need sleep tonight.
Fingers crossed I get some.

Day 2: The Day After

Have the worst night's sleep.
Grab Shrekkie (cuddly toy) to cuddle and hold.

The bed is way too big.
I stick to my side of the bed (right-hand side) as usual. Prince Charming has the other side of the bed.
I do try and sleep in the middle and stretch myself out but it is of no use, as I kept gravitating to the right-hand side again.
King size bed is not a good idea.

Get up.
Look like crap. Glasses on and wearing one of Prince Charming's old t-shirts. What's going on here?

Notice Prince Charming had left his iPad. Bit of a surprise given he can't last a day without it.
Leave him a text, and survey the flat.
Gosh this is a big flat.
Way too big for one person.

Funny how I used to think the flat was just perfect for one person before Prince Charming moved in.
Then thought the flat was too small when we were in her together.
Now, I survey "my castle" it feels empty, cold even.
Doesn't feel like home.
Just a shell.

So much for the swanky posh furniture.
What's the point if you don't have someone to share it with you.

Uhmmmmmmm if I never had met Prince Charming I would have thought it was normal to be by myself at "home".

Prince Charming turns up.
We chat.
He looks hot, and I look like a cretin (and smell even worse).

We chat then bid au dieu.
Okay I need to do some cleaning me thinks that will keep me busy.

End up festering in bed watching dvd after dvd after dvd.....
Festering in self-pity, and sorrow.
What a mess. So much for Girl Power.

Day 1: No More Bed Mate

Today is D-Day, the day that Prince Charming moves out.
Yikes how did we even get here, I don't even know.
Everything was going so well, and then these past few months have been a bit of a struggle for me.

The bubbling frustration with what I want to do with my life, Prince Charming working long hours again, and us not spending fun times together have taken their toll.

I've been in a ghastly mood of late, where has the positive breezy fun me gone to?! The giggles, and laughs?

So strange that two people can be in love and yet still find themselves breaking up or am I just thinking these things because I'm scared of being by myself after all this time?!

4 years....Yikes (I need to come up with a better word that yikes).

Longest I have ever properly dated someone was 3 months (the other doesn't count as it more off than on...)
Drat, drat, and double drat.

Help Prince Charming move in.
We come back to the flat and chat
Have dinner

Thank goodness I am going out tonight with the girls later.

Get ready, and make sure I put on my smile and happy face.
Yes no point mulling about it.
Perhaps I can fool myself that it doesn't matter, and I'm super happy?
I do hope so.

The girls are the best.
They are making me laugh with their internet dating stories.
Still can't believe someone wanted phone sex? Why didn't he just pay for it?
Note to self, avoid internet dating - Not for me.

The wine is going down a treat, so much for my attempt at being teetotal.
Deep down I know that drowning my sorrows never does work.
All I will end up with is a really sore head tomorrow but at least it helps me to forget.

When I get back I nearly burst into tears.
Prince Charming has made the bed, and left the bedroom so neat and tidy.
Wow I am impressed, he was never this great at tidying up when he was living here.....

Dawns on me how much space there is in the bed.
I'm being swallowed up by the space.
It's a horrible sensation.
I'd rather be squashed up any day then this.........

Peak inside the double wardrobe, all I can see are rows and rows of naked coat hangers.
My clothes look so sad hanging there by themselves.
Go wash my face but there's even too much space left now inside the bathroom closet.

Let's go to bed tomorrow will be a better day.